All That Matters
by svurolivia
Summary: After tough case Olivia and Amanda go to a bar to unwind where more confessions take place. Post 20x14 fic. Minor mentions of rape.


Olivia walked back into the room after testifying against Annabeth and is still feeling conflicted. And drained. Her and Amanda had some deep and intense conversations with each other. That completely drained her physically and emotionally. Amanda had told her that she loved her. And while she knew deep down that Amanda had probably meant it in a purely platonic way, part of her hoped that she meant that she really loved her.

She walked back into the box to gather her things before leaving for the day and was surprised to find Amanda still waiting there. "Hey, I thought you would have wanted to get home to Jesse and Billie."

"Carisi offered to take them for a few hours so that I can have a break. Al hasn't been helping much. He's only been by to see Billie twice since she was born. So, when Carisi offered I jumped at the chance to get out for a while. I wanted to know if you wanted to grab a drink. We can go back your apartment if you need to get home to Noah. I wanted to talk to you some more." Amanda says looking at sure, pulling on her yellow shirt.

"Sure. I could use a drink. Noah's at a sleepover so we can go to a bar."

"Are you ready to go now then?"

"Yeah. Let's go."

They're sitting at a bar. Liv drinking a glass of red wine and Amanda is having a beer. So far, the conversation has been light. The blonde tells the other woman how Billie is doing, showing her pictures on her phone. Olivia can tell that Amanda has something on her mind though.

"You okay, Manda?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Are you sure? If you need to talk about something you can."

"This is supposed to be a fun night. I don't want to ruin it."

"You're my friend and if something is bothering you than I want to know."

Amanda starts to pick at the label of her beer. "Its about something you said earlier. About me not knowing real terror." She pauses. "I get it you know. Not in the same way as you, but you don't think I was terrified when Patton was raping me? Or when he spent weeks after making it clear that he would do it again if given the chance. Every time he called me into his office, every time he made me go out alone on a case with him. I know it doesn't compare to what you went through, but still."

Olivia reaches out covering the younger woman's hand with her own. Squeezing it. "I'm so sorry Amanda. I didn't mean to dismiss what you had gone through with Patton."

"Its okay. Let's just forget about it. I haven't been out in months and I really don't want to talk about Patton."

Liv agrees to move on but decides to bring this up at a later date and see if she can get Amanda to open up.

A couple of drinks in and they've gotten past the awkwardness of their early encounter. The women had been getting closer all evening. Hands moving to the small of each other's back. The conversation back to being lighthearted. They spend time getting to know each other better and telling stories about their kids.

Then, Olivia gets the courage to ask what's been weighing on her mind. "Did you mean it earlier?"

"Mean what?

"When you said you loved me?"

"Of course, I love you Liv. You're my family. One of the few people in the world that I feel I can really trust."

Liv moves her head closer. If she hadn't had three glass of wine, she never would've asked this question, but they haven't really gotten anything to eat yet. And the wine is starting to affect her. "Is this a friend kind of love or?" Liv pauses making the decision to just go for it. "I have feelings for you Amanda. Really strong feelings and I guess I just am trying to figure out if you feel the same way. I'm so glad you said no and it made me realize that I should tell you how I feel before someone else comes along."

"You're drunk and you don't need someone with as much baggage as I have." Amanda says. Turning her body away from Liv. Her body language changing and showing how uncomfortable she is. "You don't need a single mom with two kids and two deadbeat dads weighing you down. I don't have anything to offer you."

"All I want is you and I'm not drunk. I've had a few drinks, but I'm not drunk. And I know what I want. I love Jesse and Billie like they were my own and I want to help you with them as much as I can. You're not doing this alone. I told you that in the hospital." Olivia pushes blonde hair behind her ear, a hand cups Amanda's jaw and turns it so she is looking at the older women. "I love you. And that's enough. I know we both of baggage and things to work through, but we can do that together." She brings their foreheads together, now cupping the other woman's face with both hands. "All I'm asking for is a chance. Please."

"You really love me?

"I really do."

"Say it again."

"I love you."

"I love you too, Liv." Amanda places one hand on the brunette's jaw and pulls her into a kiss. Capturing the other women's bottom lip and sucking into her mouth. They pull away. "We should get out of here."

"Aren't we presumptuous." Liv jokes causing Amanda's face to blush bright red.

"I didn't mean it like that. It's getting late and I have to relieve Carisi."

"I know I was just messing with you."

"You can come if you want. You haven't been by to see Billie this week."

"Sure. I've missed my girls."

All Amanda can do is smile. They hold hands in the back of the cab and on the way up to Amanda's new apartment. Only separating when they get to the door so Carisi won't see. He leaves and they sit on Amanda's couch. Jesse cuddled up to her Aunt Liv on side, Amanda snuggled up on the other. Billie is asleep, curled up on her mother's chest. Olivia thinks that this moment would be perfect if Noah was here to share it with them. She knows it won't be easy. Both of them have a lot of trauma in their backgrounds. Things they have yet to work through, but they won't be doing in on their own anymore. They have each other and that's all that matters.


End file.
